Aging Well: An attitude of gratitude

One morning while on vacation, I looked in the mirror and, to my horror, saw puffy red pimples on my face. 

OMG, what is this? There were about 40 of them. This has never happened before. I looked again. Maybe it’s a reaction to the heat or some strange detergent on my pillowcase. 

In the past, I might have screamed and fussed and let those nasty pimples ruin my day. However, I quickly remembered how grateful I was for all that was going well in my life. I reassured myself that the ugly, red pimples were a small issue and almost certainly temporary. I realized that the gratitude practice I’ve cultivated had given me a transformative level of equanimity and steadiness.

Gratitude is an attitude of both appreciation and thankfulness. (As I was working on this, I noticed how the words attitude and gratitude are so similar, though attitude matters more.) 

A daily gratitude practice involves identifying specifically what we are grateful for in our lives. Each morning, I note three things I’m thankful for. I try to make them different each day, but it is always fine to fall back on “my family, my health, and my home.” Now that I am in my 90s, I usually include feeling grateful for being alive. This practice has become the foundation of my well-being.

It probably sounds simple, but the real challenge lies in maintaining the practice consistently. When I’ve neglected my gratitude practice for a few days or even a few weeks, it’s frustrating. I try to be non-judgmental and reassure myself that forgetting is a natural part of life, but it can be hard to get going again.

I have a wonderful variation that I often incorporate into my evening routine. I ask myself, “What were three good things I experienced today?” This practice helps me become more aware of the many lovely moments in my everyday life, such as a smile from someone, a beautiful tree, or a phone call with one of my sons where we truly connected.

Enduring benefits

Practicing gratitude fosters a range of mental and physical health benefits, including improved mood, reduced stress, better sleep, stronger mental health, and greater overall well-being. 

Research from Harvard Health suggests that expressing gratitude is associated with greater happiness. It may even support longer-term health by encouraging healthier behaviors and reducing negative thought patterns. The American Heart Association similarly notes that gratitude can help lower stress levels, support emotional resilience, and contribute to heart health by promoting positive coping habits and lifestyle choices.

By age 70, we all have experienced some significant losses and will continue to lose spouses, family members, and friends through our 70s and 80s. We may become hearing impaired or lose our mobility, our voices, and our memories. This is simply part of being human. 

However, practicing gratitude, despite these losses, can bring great joy. In addition, taking time to focus on what’s going well helps train our minds to recognize more good things around us. It counteracts the negativity bias prevalent in many of us.

Linking up with a gratitude partner is a useful variation that helps some people stay committed. The partner provides real-time accountability.

Days of thanksgiving 

It is also important to express the gratitude we have for others. Sending an email to thank someone who has helped us is always a good thing. Most of us have had one or two teachers, mentors, or friends who played a significant role in helping us through an important time. Often, we feel we have never adequately expressed how important they were for us. 

Writing a letter with paper and pen is a powerful way to convey this gratitude. It’s important to be specific about what they did and said that was meaningful to you. Receiving such a letter can be the highlight of a lifetime. It is moving for the recipient and can be moving for the writer as well.

Thanking someone in person can be even more satisfying. When I had been feeling stuck in my early 30s, my then-minister helped me accept difficult truths and make hard decisions. Of course, I would feel angry at times while caring for four young kids. Of course, it was a good thing to be contemplating career options like becoming a social worker or a therapist. Of course, it was OK for me to choose a different path from that of my mother and most of my friends. But, of course, it took a lot of courage to take the road less traveled.

I remember several years later trying to tell him how much he had mattered and what an important role he played in helping me become the person I wanted to be. As I attempted to express my gratitude, I found myself unable to speak. Instead, I burst into tears — tears of deep appreciation. As I managed to find words, I realized how meaningful it can be to express profound gratitude. Again, this takes courage, as it’s usually more comfortable to say nothing.

I encourage you, dear readers, to tell others just how much you appreciate them. It is a gift to them and to yourself. And, of course, I hope you’ll try out a practice of gratitude.

Opinions expressed are the author’s.